The Cost of Goodbye
When a relationship ends, it’s not just your heart that takes a hit — your bank account often does too. At Clean Break, we support people at all stages of separation. Some arrive with spreadsheets. Others don’t know their internet banking password. Almost everyone, though, feels the money pressure and usually sooner than they expect (I am self-aware here about the cost of legal advice too).The Cost of Goodbye
Money Gaps Are Normal — But Fixable
Separation tends to highlight any financial gaps left unaddressed in the relationship. If you weren’t the one paying the bills or sorting which KiwiSaver fund to be in, you’re not alone. Many people find themselves learning financial basics for the first time in midlife, often while under enormous stress.
But the sooner you start building financial literacy, the more empowered your choices become.
Great free tools are available:
- Sorted.org.nz is government-supported and packed with user-friendly resources.
- MoneyTalks (0800 345 123) offers free financial mentoring.
- In Nelson, Aurora Financial Wellbeing (formerly known as Nelson Budgeting Service) can support locals with budgeting and planning.
- There are also plenty of podcasts, YouTube videos and articles you can dip into.
You don’t need to become a budgeting guru — just confident enough to ask the right questions, check what’s yours, and know what to expect.
What the Research Tells Us
A New Zealand study followed more than 15,000 separating parents using administrative data from IRD and MSD. The findings were clear — separation comes with serious financial fallout:
- For women, equivalised income (a fancy term I had to look up – it means comparing pre and post break-up incomes fairly by considering how many mouths the money must feed) dropped by 29% on average in the first year. Total household income fell by around 41%.
- Men saw a 15% rise in equivalised income in the same period — but their household income still declined by 39%.
- Three years on, neither group had fully bounced back to their pre-separation income levels (Fletcher, Maré & Maloney, 2020, 33–34).
This isn’t just about splitting costs. It’s about adjusting to one income, navigating solo or co-parenting and disrupted work routines.
Don’t Wait to Get Advice
We know that seeing a lawyer can feel like “going nuclear.” But it doesn’t have to (particularly with the right one! 😉). Getting legal advice early is simply about making informed decisions. And sometimes, that one conversation can help keep things amicable because everyone has the right information up front.
We encourage you to get informed about your financial situation – particularly if your partner usually handles this.
Whether you end up separating, staying, or are just weighing your options, knowing where you stand financially is never a bad thing, nor is having time to think things over. It can save money, reduce stress, and help both of you act more generously and predictably.
A little advice now can make everything that follows feel a lot more manageable.
By Sarah Moon
Sarah Moon is a relationship property lawyer and founder of Clean Break. She believes good advice is like scaffolding — it helps you rebuild with confidence so no one falls off a roof. She founded Clean Break to offer exactly that (good advice, not scaffolds).
Clean Break doesn’t do criminal law. Or employment disputes. We just help people sort out their property at the start and end of relationships. And we do it exceptionally well.
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