When I became a relationship property (aka Divorce) lawyer, my biggest fear was that I’d become jaded about love. Surrounded by broken hearts and high-stakes separations, I wondered if one day I’d turn into someone muttering, “relationships are doomed” at weddings.
Instead, I love love more than ever. I just think about it very differently now.
Love Doesn’t Usually End in an Explosion
In my work at Clean Break, I’ve learned that love rarely ends in one dramatic moment.
It ends quietly, in tiny, everyday moments.
It’s the way someone doesn’t speak up.
The way the other person stops listening.
The missed cup of tea.
The apology that never comes after being late.
Even changes in intimacy.
Most couples can weather the big storms like a tough financial year or even an affair. But it’s the small things, repeated and ignored, that sink the ship. Experts call these “micro-moments,” and they matter more than you think.
The Space Between
Love begins to unravel when those micro-moments of disconnection start piling up. To misquote Taylor Swift, it’s death by a thousand cuts.
We talk about “my fear,” “her anger,” or “his joy,” as if emotions are private and personal. But love doesn’t live inside one person; it lives between two people.
It’s not something you own. It’s something you create together, every day, in how you show up for each other. Love lives in the space between two people—in presence, empathy, and consistency.
The Science of Staying Connected
Here’s the part that might sound cynical, but I promise it’s not bleak:
Love isn’t automatically lasting or unconditional. It’s not a fixed state of being.
It’s a living thing—a series of small, shared experiences that build trust and connection.
Even the simplest interaction, a warm smile, a kind text, or a moment of being truly heard, releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” that helps us feel safe and seen. It’s your brain’s way of saying: this relationship matters.
When couples separate, what they grieve isn’t just the person. It’s the loss of those small rituals—the familiar greeting, the shared jokes, the daily check-ins. It’s not the grand gestures that hold a relationship together, but the little things, done often, that keep it alive.
How I Think About Love Now
My marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s strong. And I credit that strength to the small things.
My husband and I have never promised each other “forever,” not even on our wedding day. We just keep showing up for another day. Another cup of tea. Another smile across the kitchen bench. Another welcome home.
Because the same way love fades, it can also grow stronger, one micro-moment at a time.
-Sarah Moon
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